Sunday, February 22, 2009

Top Chef's Fabio Viviani: Rant? Or Crave?

I have to admit that when I first started watching Top Chef Season 5: New York, this guy bugged the crap out of me with his too-suave-for-you accent-laced cheesy-sleaziness. But as I kept watching, the Italian chef from Moorpark, CA, grew on me. No wait, take that back. It was all the funny shit that came out of his mouth that grew on me. That, and the fact that he hates cilantro too.

Recite the following Fabio-isms in your best Italian accent. I guarantee a few chuckles.

"I am 30 years old and I have to sleep in the bunky bed."

“Kind of reminds me of a porn movie.”

"But I'm a chef. There's nothing that can stress me out. If they gonna give me monkey ass to fill with fried banana, I'll come up with something anyway. It's not a problem."

"We can serve monkey ass in empty clam shell and win 'cause I'm working the front of the house."

"This is Top Chef not Top Scallop!"

"Next time I'm gonna do a piece of toast, a bacon, and some bullshit eggs on it... and i'll probably be one of the top three."

"My car is a piece of...............poop."

"Hospital? I'll chop it off and sear it on the flat top so it doesn't bleed any more and tomorrow I will deal with nine finger."

"I got so many kick in my ass that sometime when I'm in the bathroom I still pull shoes out of my ass."

And my all time favorite:

"This is Top Chef, not Top Pussy!"

Ahhh, so sad to see you pack your knives and go, Fabio.

(Photo credit: Bravo TV/Michael Lavine)


weezermonkey said...

I was so sad to see Fabio go, too!

And I totally read those lines with my faux accent! :)

Pirikara said...

hey new blog! wb!

Eddie Lin said...

Screw this Scallop! Where's your Kogi post?

Great to see you back!!!

dealinhoz said...

FOBio. i can't take too much of his accent. on the other hand, J loves FOBio.

glad to see your back and ranting and bitching and complaining and whining and yelling. =) adding you to blogroll.

Anonymous said...

yay you're back pam! you know i have not watched a single episode from this season of top chef.

Unknown said...

I loved Fabio too! I wanted him to beat Stefan's arse. Stefan is a non-friend of a friend and I wanted him to go down in flames!! Plus, F is too cute...

Daily Gluttony said...

Weezer Monkey,

everything's so much more fun when read with a fabio accent!


thanks girl! i missed blogging!


Puh-leeze, Kogi is sooooo February 2009. Plus I don't like lines. :)


thanks & love the FOBio! haha


thanks! they repeat top chef all the time on bravo--i'm sure you can catch up one of these days!


yeah, stefan is an ass. creepy too. i love that you say that he's a "non-friend" of a friend!

Chubbypanda said...

Hurray for the new blog! And on the blogroll you go...

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