Top Chef's Fabio Viviani: Rant? Or Crave?

I have to admit that when I first started watching Top Chef Season 5: New York, this guy bugged the crap out of me with his too-suave-for-you accent-laced cheesy-sleaziness. But as I kept watching, the Italian chef from Moorpark, CA, grew on me. No wait, take that back. It was all the funny shit that came out of his mouth that grew on me. That, and the fact that he hates cilantro too.

Recite the following Fabio-isms in your best Italian accent. I guarantee a few chuckles.

"I am 30 years old and I have to sleep in the bunky bed."

“Kind of reminds me of a porn movie.”

"But I'm a chef. There's nothing that can stress me out. If they gonna give me monkey ass to fill with fried banana, I'll come up with something anyway. It's not a problem."

"We can serve monkey ass in empty clam shell and win 'cause I'm working the front of the house."

"This is Top Chef not Top Scallop!"

"Next time I'm gonna do a piece of toast, a bacon, and some bullshit eggs on it... and i'll probably be one of the top three."

"My car is a piece of...............poop."

"Hospital? I'll chop it off and sear it on the flat top so it doesn't bleed any more and tomorrow I will deal with nine finger."

"I got so many kick in my ass that sometime when I'm in the bathroom I still pull shoes out of my ass."

And my all time favorite:

"This is Top Chef, not Top Pussy!"

Ahhh, so sad to see you pack your knives and go, Fabio.

(Photo credit: Bravo TV/Michael Lavine)